Wonderful piece. It's a concept I see all the time, but haven't heard enough discussion.

It's like, in order to prove our gender, we're expected to be attractive.

I am cis, but I'm also fat. I've long felt like I'm not considered a real woman, or an actual person because I'm fat. Somehow that makes me so unattractive, I'm considered a non-woman. For a trans person, who already has experienced years of gas-lighting around their gender, and society constantly questioning your gender, this is taken to the extreme. It's like you must prove your gender now by having society accept you as attractive. No one cares about what you were assigned at birth if they enjoy looking at you now.

An ex of mine, who is a trans woman, every time she posts pictures of herself, where she looks very happy, her family, in an attempt to be supportive, always comments about how beautiful she is. It's true, she does look beautiful in those pictures. However, I can tell it's their way of showing support to her. On one hand that may be nice, I'm sure she appreciates that they accept her as beautiful and therefore a beautiful woman. However, on the other hand, she looks so happy in all of her interesting places. Some other part feels weird though. Like, acceptance into the gender is through beauty and attractiveness erases transness, or at least forgives it.

Anyway, great piece and great insights!