What I want personally is just recognition that something is there for me, that I’m autistic and things have been different for me.
Like you, I mask well and can fit in, which is very lucky, it’s a huge privilege that many autistics don’t have.
However, it’s come at a great price at having to hide who I am and change myself so much. I was diagnosed with PTSD around the friction that’s been between who I am and what society expects of me. For me and my autism, learning to fit in wasn’t just about acquiring some social skills and flexible thinking, it was about changing every part of who I am because my nature of being my true self was considered unacceptable a deficient. It didn’t feel like I was expanding myself to fit in with society, it felt like self mutilation in order to have independence. For other people though, it just wasn’t a big a deal, and all the issues I had were exaggerations. It felt like massive gaslighting, saying my problems don’t exist. After my diagnosis, now I have an actual understanding of why things hurt me more than others. I see why things others says are so easy, are very, very hard for me. Now I know why instead of everyone just shrugging while I’m dying inside.