What a beautiful perspective on your journey to understand yourself and your gender. Thank you for sharing, it's insightful. It really hit me for the reasons I'm going to say below.

Back in 2006, A close friend of mine, I'll call B, told me some stories about their life, and I realized they were trans, or I guess perhaps a trans egg. I didn't really understand what being trans was, I knew the label, and understood my friend needed, not wanted, needed to live a different gender than their biological sex. They had gone to dangerous lengths to cope with their dysphoria, and the sad truth hit me that they may die. In fact in the 5 year period that followed they were hospitalized three times for suicide attempts.

I didn't know how to support them, and considered telling them I thought they might be trans, but I never did. The way I saw it, If I, their friend could tell they were trans, they must have an inkling themselves. They must already have a good idea that they were trans, but were probably struggling to accept being trans. Given this was 2006, accepting one's self as trans, is not an easy thing. It was one thing for me to accept my friend B as trans, it was quite another thing for B to actually accept life as a trans person and all the accamonding discrimination that came along with it. I figured they were not ready to accept this yet, and me telling them would only remind them of the difficult situation they were in. This would not be helpful for them.

So I didn't tell B. I did my best to just be a good friend and let them know I was there for them. I tried to demonstrate on multiple occasions I wasn't LBGTQ phobic and attempted to convert I was a safe person for them. We were very close friends, like family.

I honestly thought B was going to die. They did so many things, attempted suicide multiple times, and engaged in really reckless and self endangering behavior. They made it clear they wanted to die, and if something happened to them, they would make no effort to save themselves. This was really hard on me, and sometimes I couldn't be there for them.

Eventually, in 2011, they came out as trans to me and my then husband. We both independently figured out B was trans, but had never talked about it with each other. We were both relieved when B came out.

B's life improved greatly. At first they identified as a trans man, but after a while realized they were more non-binary. They're doing much better now and are happily married and no longer engaging in the same self-destructive behavior.

It's an ongoing question I have. Is it supportive to tell your good friend, a potential trans egg, they might be trans? I knew a trans woman once, who would have appreciated that insight, she knew something was wrong but didn't know what, and she told me she would have really appreciated someone telling her she was trans. At the same time, I've known other trans people to say they would not have appreciated being told, because at that time they were working so hard at fitting in, they wouldn't have been ready to break through the denial.

And of course it's possible I'm wrong. I'm not the God of diagnosing gender dysphoria.

So I've long come to the conclusion that it's not my place. My place is to be a supportive friend, make it known I am a safe person for trans people and won't judge people for that. I kind of think that's all I can do. Still, I think it's a good question, and would love to hear more conversations around it.

Thanks again for your perspective.