True. I agree this all comes out of fear. I’m glad you pointed that out. Fear however can be a gateway to hate. It’s very hard to have empathy for someone when you see them as a threat.
Hitler was afraid of Jewish people.
The KKK was formed because people were afraid of black people rapping women.
Homophobes fear queer people sexualizing children.

This is why we use transphobe to denote trans hate, because fear often leads to hate.
Fear can lead to dehumanizing the person you fear.
I see your point in understanding that a lot of terfs are just afraid. I also wish I could meet them somewhere safe and help them see their hate. That takes understanding where they are at and why they hate, which is fear.
There’s gotta be some way to humanize trans people to them.