This piece really spoke to my heart.

I’ve noticed when a woman is in an abusive heterosexual relationships, she is blamed for choosing a bad partner. She is looked down upon for being so naive for not knowing the man was an abuser. Clearly she has issues that she would date an abuser, she must of deserved it. “Water seeks its own level” is a quote I’ve heard a lot. It’s like it’s just expected that a percentage of men will be abusers and we should just expect it. However, really men shouldn’t be expected to abuse and should be held accountable when they are, not women for being with them.

I am bisexual and recently divorced from a man. Since my divorce I have only been dating women and it’s been great. In all the dates I’ve been on (about 25) while I am safe and take precautions, I’ve never once got the feeling my date would rape me. I’ve never once had the fear my date would drug me. I’ve never felt objectified by my dates. I’ve never felt the pressure to have sex or the fear that me showing interest would give my date “the wrong idea” and I can wear as sexy of an outfit that I want.

I do like some men, and I know there are some great ones out there, but I don’t want to have weed through all the misogyny to find one. My body also feels safer and less judged when I date women. I feel more open minded and explorative about dating people with different bodies than the heteronormative ideas around beauty. I found that fat bodies are sexy, trans women are elegant, intelligence to be an aphrodisiac, lesbian sex to be more fulfilling than hetero, and people who love to cuddle are everywhere.

In my life right now it feels way more ethical, safe, comfortable, and healthier to date women. I guess my sexuality offers me this privilege. Growing up I was told that I should be with men, and I met a man I was with for nearly 20 years. But right now I’d rather enjoy the beautiful lovely women who don’t shame my body, who understand the importance of consent, and the fact I won’t be deemed responsible for her actions if she does get abusive.