There have been a few instances, where I’ve been shown pictures of trans women pre-transition. Mostly with my girlfriend, who showed me a couple in a therapeutic moment for her of reconciling the past. It’s quite a mind fuck, that these women were forced to live as men at some point. This may be creepy, and weird, but it’s been my way of handling it.
As a cis person, I’ve decided the appropriate thing to do in such situations, is to stare at the photo until I find the woman in them.
It’s like playing where’s Waldo, and while they appear male presenting, there is usually some subtle, involuntary clue of their womanhood. If nothing else it’s in their eyes, often sad, or frustrated, but it can also be in their arms, their stance, the angle of their head, etc. I just stare until I find them, their true self, and then I focus on that, until all I see is a woman. Then I like to make to comment on how they were always a beautiful woman.
Anyway, it took my girlfriend nearly a decade before she was ready to look at herself pretransiton, I think it’s normal to struggle with that. I feel a mind fuck myself.
But the way I see it, I can’t undue the past trauma of her having to live that way, but I can hold space for her and her womanhood during that time. I can look at her presentation from back then, and recognize her as a woman, and hold space for her as such, even though no one was at the time.
Being forced to pretend she was a man for so long never made her less of a woman, and all I can do is see, feel, acknowledge, and respect her womanhood even back then.
I’d love to hear opinions from other trans women if this is appropriate. Please be aware these were pictures she showed me and consented me to see (important part).
It certainly helps with my own cognitive dissonance that a woman I know was once presenting otherwise.