Personally I feel empathy for these lonely men, and I do feel there should be more services and programs available for them. I think your writings are a great start-but I think these services should primary come from men for men for several reasons.

As a feminist, I think what’s happening here are the negative effects of patriarchy on men. Patriarchy puts barrow and horrible constraints on men. It doesn’t allow many emotions other than anger and causes men to bottle up their emotions-telling them it’s wrong to feel anything. It tells them if they can’t get a girl they are less than, ugly, unsuccessful, etc. Patriarchy exploits and objectives men as wage money makers with pecks- and claims they are incapable of love. Patriarchy reduces sex to a man’s physical needs, not as the warm act of connection and intimacy it is. Patriarchy isolated and invalidates men as people and reduces them to SMV scores. Capitalism also plays a roll by selling sex with beautiful women as an image of success and an expectation for men. aAs a feminist I hate that these things happen to men and feel all sexes should be rejecting these ideas. As a feminist, I care about men.


However, as much as all this sucks for men, patriarchy also sucks for women, a lot. One part of it that sucks for women, is that we’re often told we have to take care others, often men. So while we go out and work hard to take care of ourselves, whom no one else will care for, we’re then told we have to take care of men as well-often with the patriarchial myth that men are incapable of self care and need a woman to hold their hands. Now yes, emotionally everyone need some care taking from a partner, but often it expands into other areas of life that are clearly not needing us. Then we get the subject of weaponized incompetence. Though I want to recognize what you are asking for is not that, but rather empathy.

There’s a quote from Margaret Atwood that I think might help here

“Men fear women laughing at them…Women fear men murdering them”

I can’t help but wonder if this is true and would love your thoughts on it. It’s definitely true on the women side.
I’ve seen many men get so angry at the thought of rejection, or of being humiliated or laughed at by women.

I think that is a terrible position to be in and I can see how it would be terrible. BTW I’ve had many men laugh at and reject me. It did not feel good. Everyone gets rejected-it’s okay. It doesn’t mean your less than. Patriarchy spreads a myth that rejection is a sign that you are failing-and it’s false. Also when women are rejected, we’re often called sluts, fat, ugly and laughed out the door. Then told we need to grow up and stop being so emotional over everything and do better next time. So we do. But when when a man gets rejected, he gets very angry and hurt. Rejection does hurt.


But the second line is true also. As many times as I’ve had men laugh and reject me, I’ve been in more situations where I thought I might be attacked, assaulted, or murdered of some form. I’ve been attacked and assaulted by men. I’ve had men threaten to assault me.

Which do you think would be a worse position to be in? If you were attacked by members of a group of people who used their privilege to threaten your life, would you have empathy for them when they felt lonely?
And then there is a cycle of the loneliness and bitter loss leads to anger and more aggression towards women, which leads to more fear and alienation, again and again. True, not all men, men are also not a monolith, but enough to make us super cautions when dealing with any man.

Women often don’t feel we get enough support from men in just feeling safe walking down the street, and then are we supposed to help them with their loneliness?

My therapist, who is a man, used to run something he called men groups, where they talked about the unique emotional struggles they face as men, and other things I’m sure. I think we need to bring those back, and other ways of men getting support. But the problem with the manosphere, which I think is the modern community for that, is there is a lot of blame towards women for all of it. Which further alienates us. It is not feminism that causes this, patriarchy is what is causing loneliness. Even if every man had a beautiful woman who was forced to be with him due to money, would men really want that? Wouldn’t they instead prefer a woman who actually sees that man for who he is as a person and loved him and appreciated him for himself? I think having a partner who is forced to sleep with when they don’t want might be even more lonely.

I think an example so this is dating apps.
Women do get more matches on dating apps. But like 80% of them are some guy sexually harassing you, threatening to assault you, sending you a picture of his dick, to the point where you have to sort through loads of just assault to take a chance a guy is a decent person. Most women just give up and delete their profiles, or are forced to ignore 30 men in the process. We literally fear being attacked for j dating apps. Meanwhile men can’t even get a good match-or a match that will talk to them.

I like your articles because I do think this is a growing problem, the division between the two sexes and violence between them is escalating. I think you offer a great perspective and if our society makes progress we got to work together.