and the messages I got…
“She is a very polite and kind child, but refuses to pay attention in class”-report card, 2nd grade.
“She needs to work on listening to directions”-report card first grade.
“Pay Attention” — many different adults.
“Why aren’t you following directions?”
“Is that what the directions said?”
“That’s not what the directions said”
“Can we please stay on topic?”
“Why are you chanigng the subject?”
“That’s not related!”
“This doesn’t support your thesis statement, please stay on topic”
“OMG can you please quit changing the subject?”
“You need to think before you speak”
“That was a really innappropraite thing to say, you really embarassed us there”
“I can’t beleive you were so horrible to the substitute! Why did you say that in class? That’s a terrible thing to say! No there is no excuse for your behavior and treating her like that” — My teacher (who was amazing) after the subsitute was offended at my outburst in class.
“She is very shy and quiet, but needs to work on her loud outburst in class”-report card
“Why would you say something like that? That’s terrible!”
“What’s wrong with you?”
“That’s not a nice thing to say!”
“If you can’t say something nice to say, don’t say anything at all”
“Why are you judging that poor boy? He has ADHD, he can’t help his outburts, stop being so mean to others who are different than you.”
“You need to think before you speak”
“She needs to learn to think before she speaks”
“Please work with your child on thinking before she speaks and has loud outburts that are off topic” — note home from school.
“Maybe consider thinking before you speak, and think about what you say before you say it”-teacher on a field trip after I asked the radio station we were visiting if the play that song that says I’m to sexy for my cat…
“What’s wrong with you?” -other students
“Are you retarded or something?”-other kids at school
“Are you stupid or something?” — other kids at school
“Why can’t you just keep your mouth shut?”
“I’m really tired tonight, I can’t take this right now”-My mother after I wouldn’t stop talking about a book I read.
“Can we please stay on topic now, let’s talk about the here and now”- my dad.
“You’re making things really hard for us right now” -teacher at school
“Can we please just get through the assignment please?”
“We don’t have time for that right now”
“You’re slowing up the class right now”
“She is capable of doing better work if she just slowed down and took her time”
“SLOW DOWN”
Teacher: “Writing time is over, please put your supplys away”-
“I’m not done”-me
“We need to move on, finish your work another time, but make sure you turn it by the end of the hour”
“Student doesn’t finish her work on time”-report card
“Student needs to learn to use her time better”-report card
“Student doesn’t turn in her work”-report card
“SLOW DOWN”
“Didn’t you already do that assignment?” — another student
Me- Yes but the teacher says I’m missing it so I have to redo it.
“You were given all that time to work on it, and this is what you turn in?”-teacher
“I can’t read this”
“I don’t understand what you are trying to say here, did you even try?”
Teacher: Pass your assignment to the student next to you. Now, circle all the error’s in your partner’s essay
Student next to me: I need more time to grade her essay, she has too many spelling and grammatical errors.
Student glares at me: I’m never done grading yours, it takes way to much time and work.
Kid next to me laugh.
Me-to the teacher: can we not have other students grade our essays? it makes me feel selfconsious and judged.
Teacher: If you’re feeling that way, maybe you should work harder on writing a better essay. Having peer feedback can motivate you to improve!
“I only expect the homework from this class to take about 20 minutes”- me spends over three hours on the homework a night and barely gets a C in the class.
“You rushed this assignment, you need to slow down and do a better job” — Teacher
“Student needs to complete their homework on time and turn them in in a timely manner” — report card, same teacher.
“Student needs to learn to apply themselves”- report card
“She can do better if she tries” — teacher to my parents
“Stop complaining, you need to grow up”
“Stop being so dramatic, it’s not that big of a deal”
“Stop making this all about you”
“Not everything has to be about you”
“Why are you so difficult? It’s giving everyone a headache”
“Can you please be quiet?”
“Stop interrupting!”
“That was a really innapropriate thing to say”
“You need to learn to work harder”
“You need to apply yourself”
“Stop being so lazy”
“That’s no excuse”
“You need to take some responsiblity for your own actions, school work, and behaviors”
“That was really mean, next time, just stay quiet”
“Quit causing problems for everyone”
“You could be the best student in class if you payed attention”- my dance teacher
“Dear God, I’m really trying to pay attention here, but I just can’t right now, please help me” — me praying to God, age 11.
Teacher: Why are you so anxious bout getting your work done?”
Me: “because I’m failing your class and I want to get my assignments in.”
Teacher: “worrying about it won’t help, just get your work done and stop being so anxious.”
Me: “But how else am I supposed to motivate myself to get my work done?”
Score 0/5. Essay is illegible. — high school essay standarized test.
Me (talking to a friend, in college before our math final): Apparently there is this thing called the Mozart effect. I found out that if I listen to certain Mozart songs before math tests, and take 30 minutes to relax before hand, I do better on my exams! So I bought this new disc man and a Mozart CD and I’m going to listen to it before the final tomorrow. Also I’m going to have my favorite breakfast.
Friend (rolls eyes): I mean, if you know it, you know it. Didn’t you study?
Me: yes, I studied a lot, I know the material inside and out.
Friend: Then why are you trying to cheat?
Me: I’m not, it’s just that if I do these things it’s the difference of like 15% on my exams.
Friend: If you know it, you know it. If you really studied, than you wouldn’t need to do all these things. Maybe you should just try studying. Like ACTUALLY studying.
“Ugh, I’m so tired of all these big pharmacuticals selling speed to children, and then they stay on them when they are adults, these kids just need some major discipline, instead the world makes them into drug adicts”- Numerous friends and family
“Im so sick of these labels, why can’t you just be who you are? Why people have to label these things?”
“She just likes to forget things, she forgets her keys, loses her phone, then gets all stressed out about it, like every day, it’s cute. That’s just who she is as a person. It’s like her personality! It’s so cute, I love her!” — my boyfriend, age 23.
“ADHD is just like being a normal kid, They never had these labels when I was your age. It’s horrible they’re making a disease out just being a kid”
“It’s just her personality to like always be worrying at things, being late, then trying not to be late and then being early, having a messy room, and freaking out. It’s just who she is. Don’t judge it.”
“I suggest SSRIs, let’s start with Zoloft. They will help with both your anxiety and depression.” — my psychiatrist.
“I know you have to be you, but maybe if you tried just remembering where you put things, we wouldn’t always be late all the time”
Friend: “Why are you wearing two different shoes?”
Me: “I couldn’t find two that matched in time and I didn’t want to be late for class!
Friend: That’s so you! I love it! Isn’t that unncomfortable though? They’re both right feet.
Me: “Yeah, It’s very uncomfortable.”
“She can’t sit still, it’s just who she is. She’s very stubborn, always insists on fidgeting. That’s just who she is.”
“Why can’t people just accept you for who you are! You’re a quirky person who insists on losing things, being late, talking a lot, and being colorful! Why do people have to like label you with a disease? I like who you are and accept you, why can’t others realize that’s just your personality?”
“You’re definitely smart enough to do very well at the position, but you don’t fit in with our corporate culture.” — Job interview.
“I love how quirky and weird you are! Always interrupting, always being so weird, always so stubborn, you just have to be you, you’re a non-conformist! I love it!” -a friend to me. While it was nice to be accepted, this quote really bothered me, because I wasn’t chosing these things. It didn’t feel “like me.”
“We don’t evaluate for learning disorders here at Kaiser, I cannot complete your request.” — my primary care physican in a letter.
“ADHD is a condition that is usually observed in childhood. Please note that to be evlauated for ADHD as an adult, patients must submit three written testionamilas that documents from people who observed your behavior as a child, 3 documents showing difficulties in academics in childhood. Be advised stimulants are no longer persciprbed. You must also provide documenttion from at least three other people who know well and can speak to your ADHD symptoms present in everyday life” — From Kaiser’s psychiatric department.
(age 38) Me: Mom, I’m going to get evaluated for ADHD
Mom: Why? You were never hyper. You had some trouble with school but you were never hyper or badly behaved.
Me: My therapist thinks it might help with my anxiety.
Mom: If you get diagnosed, are you just going to use it as an excuse to not try anymore? Are you going to like give up and just be lazy if some doctor says you have ADHD? Is this going to be your excuse for not taking responsibility for your life?
Friend: OMG can you please stop changing the subject and interrupting! Do you just like not care about what I’m saying?
Me: I’m sorry, I’m totally listening, sorry.
Friend: Can you please stop appoligizing all the time? It’s super annoying.
“Why can’t anyone see? I’m not the girl I wish I could be” -Chloe Adams, (The Doctor said I’m fine).
End Quotes:
What messages did you get about ADHD growing up?
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