Omg I so needed to hear this today. I am literally crying as I read this.
I was recently diagnosed as a 40 year old woman, much to the fear and disapproval of my mother.
Growing up there were very clear signs, to the point where my assessor was quite surprised I hadn’t been diagnosed in childhood. But I had worked very, very hard to adapt and conform, and pass as nureotypical but it hurt way more than I think others understand.
About 10 years ago, I wrote in my private diary “what is the difference between adapting and self mutilation? Why is that I’m encouraged to brutally change how I speak, how I dress, what I do and how I love, but if I cut myself to release pain that’s not okay?” I was constantly getting messages to cut myself up from the inside, but never on the outside because hurting one’s self is bad. Looking back I don’t think the nuerotypicals understood how much it hurt to try to blend in with them. When I would talk to them about it, I would get “you’re being over dramatic, stop making a big a deal out of nothing, we all experience this it’s hard for everyone, grow up, ect.”
The psychologist who diagnosed me also told me I have pretty intense PTSD. Yet when I found myself telling one of my closest friends, suddenly I was being over dramatic.
My mother kept telling me I shouldn’t get evaluated, she kept saying that there’s no need to know since I am an adult now and doing just fine anyway. She has no idea how much I hurt trying to fit, and I’m just trying to make sense of it all as I deal with my PTSD.

Since going down this road my depression and anxiety have greatly improved.
I’m different than you as in I love having friends and spending time with them, once again, one autistic is just one autistic and it’s a complex spectrum. I feel like you captured some things here.