Let’s unpack this tweet about cats and bumble.
Look at the above picture, this is the terrible fate we women are supposed to fear. That cat is just waiting for her to drop dead all alone so he can eat her lifeless corpse! Noooooooooo!
A male politican whose name I don’t feel like recalling or typing, while attempting to insult pro-choice protestors, made a rather confusing and offensive tweet (I don’t really care what his name is, but would like to recognize he doesn’t speak for all men everywhere).
“How many of the women rallying against overturning Roe are over-educated, under-loved millennials who sadly return from protests to a lonely microwave dinner with their cats, and no bumble matches?”
There’s a lot to unpack in this ridiculing tweet. But the real take away here is a lesson I learned long ago about people who insult- It’s more about the critic. Male-Politician-Dude is really writing about himself, mainly his worst fears, then projecting them onto women, in an attempt to scare us, I guess. It’s scary for him, so he thinks it’s scary for us.
Lack of quality dinner, matches on dating apps, and women being educated, are more problematic for men then women. There are a number of obvious other misgoynstic thinkings here, but really this tweet seems to be about him trying to scare us and everyone, with his own insecurities (and riddicule).
As an educated, single, millennial, cat-owning woman, his so-called threats feel rather empty, as I’m sure it is for many other women my age. I know it sounds far-fetched, but this tweet is actually about masculine insecurities. So, let’s break this thing down and really look here, starting with his descriptions that are oh so scary.
6. No Bumble Matches
Statistical data around dating apps has shown that it is usually men, not women, who struggle getting matches. As a middle-aged woman, who is not very attractive or intersting, I can tell you within two hours of joining tinder I had 5 matches. Over a period of one month I had 35 matches. Over a period of a year I had 85 matches. Women are not the ones not getting matches on these sites.
Furthermore, I am constantly hearing men complain about how they can’t get any matches on dating apps, and I can’t help but think this true. I know at least 2 men who have never had a single match on tinder or bumble, and these men are no less attractive or interesting than me. They just happen to be men. Overall, I think it is harder for men, not women, to get matches on dating apps such as Bumble.
Given that it’s men, not women who struggle with getting matches, perhaps this is really the fear/frustration of male-politican-guy? Is he afraid of being single and frustarted should he and his spouse part ways? Was there a time in his dating life when he struggled getting matches and feared not finding a partner?
5. Cats
Ahh yes, the trope of the lonely, crazy, cat-woman. I know a number of people with cats, (including men) and not one of them seems to regret it. I also a number of married people with cats, and none of them regret it either. I love cats. Now I have lots of friends, lots of social connections, but I love coming home at the end of a long day and curling up with my cat and falling asleep listening to podcasts. Cats are solitairy creatures that I can leave alone in my home most of the day. I don’t have to walk them, or worry to much while I am at work. If I were really lonely, I’d have a dog who wants to be at my side constantly offering affection, instead of the lovely cat that is fine to say hi for 20 minutes in the evening and then goes and does her own thing.
I know some “crazy cat” women, and all of them are quite happy. None of them would trade their cats for a partner, child, or anyone.
Perhaps the male-politican can’t handle the independance of a creature that enjoys his company, but doesn’t feel it should depend on him as a pack animal for emotional validation? Perhaps male-politician prefers pets that feel emotionaly dependant on him?
Seriously nothing is wrong with having a nice cat. Cat’s don’t make people lonely, they do the opposite. Cat owners are not needy, on the contrary, they are independent, like their cats.
4. Microwave Dinners
Okay, call me rare, but I actually don’t microwave my dinners. Infact I no longer own a microwave, prefering the oven or the stove top. But atop to all of that, I usually chose eating out at a cafe to cooking. It’s nice, I only have to pay for myself and can get whatever I want. My roommate, also a single woman, makes excellent meals that she eats alone. Infact, if anyone is more likely to eat a microwave dinner, I would say that would be a divorced, single, man, who was never encouraged to learn to cook. Women are more likely socialized with cooking skills, helping out in the kitchen with our families as we grow up. Most men I know have limited culinary skills, some were even socialized to not cook at all, least the one day they marry a woman who would cook for them. I’ve met a number of single men who eventually learned to cook for themselves, and they seem quite happy.
Once while dinning out at a cafe, I overheard an elderly couple on their first date. The woman asked if the man could cook, he said didn’t as his ex-wife used to cook for him, but he found microwave dinners to be enjoyable and ate them every night. I admit, I felt bad for the man, but nothing was stopping him from learning to cook for himself if he wanted to. I assumed he like things this way, good for him. No one should be shamed for enjoying a microwave dinner.
Given that women are socilized to feed their families, I think it’s most likely a fear of men to eat out of the microwave every night then women. And what’s the alternative? I persume if a woman comes home from a long day and has the skills to cook dinner for her family, she also has the skills to cook for herself? Should she be grateful she has a large family to cook for instead of just cooking for herself? Is a woman who doesn’t have a large family to cook for therefor incapable of cooking at all and must eat all meals out of the microwave?
I wonder who cooks the politician-dude’s meals? Perhaps his wife? Perhaps his private chef? Something tells me he doesn’t make his own meals, but I don’t know. Maybe he has the culinary skills of Julia Child, but I’m willing to be he’s to busy being a politician to cook his own meals. If he lost his wife, or his meaty income, he would probably be the one eating TV dinners every night.
3. Lonely/Under-Loved.
Here’s the real manipulation. Lonliness. Let’s face it, we all fear lonliness. That’s the ultimate blackmail of society, that if we don’t do what’s expected of us, we will be unloved and thus lonely. This is a very clear example of emotional abuse, simply saying “well if you don’t do what I say, no one will love you and you will die alone!” I think women are tired of this threat. It’s much better to die free and alone then to spend your life pleasing someone who uses this argument to control you.
Personally, I don’t feel lonely, at all. I have a lot of close friends I spend time with reguarly, plenty of dating options, a fulfilling social life, a career, and of course my cat.
You know who is really lonely, men, (especially incel men, but that’s another story). I think their frustration comes from, not just finding a partner to have sex with, but also companionship, and the social pressures placed on them. Men are more likely to commit suicide than women. Men have to deal with toxic masculinity which constantly pressure them to be strong, angry, and shames them for expressing their emotions, showing vulnerability, and asking for help and support. I cannot think of anything more lonely then what men are expected to go through on a day to day basis to save face. Yes, society is unfair to women, but let’s not forget the pressures, the rigidity, the judgement society places on men, then shames and isolates them for their humanity.
Meanwhile Women are accepted and expected to fill our lives with various friendships. We are often seen in groups, gossiping, sharing our feelings, catching up, shopping together, etc. Women are allowed to say we are lonely, then call up our girlfriends and cry with each other. Men who are lonely are only allowed to do one thing, get angry, which can further isolate them even more. True, there are men who have friends and confide in each other and offer support, and that’s good. But men in general have a lot of pressure on them, have fewer opportunities to express their lonliness and stress, and fewer social options to recieve emotional support from other men.
2. Millennial
I have no idea why this would be considered an insult. Exactly where the lines around milliennial fall, seems to change. Political-Dude who made this quote, happens to be born the same year as me, 1982. Technically, I think people born this year are between mellennial and gen X. Frankly I love my generation, it’s a great one. Are we mellennials or gen X? Who cares?
1. Over-Educated.
I am not sure what over-educated means. My eduation entitled me to have a career that I love. This career enables me to support myself, and my cat. Yes it was hardwork to achieve my education, but I don’t think I would call myself over-educated. What exaclty does over-educated mean? More education than we want? Does anyone get more education then they actually want? Considering the effort, work, and expense that goes into education, I would imagine if anyone doesn’t want anymore education, they would stop at the appropriate level.
Male-politican-dude has quite a bit of education himself. He holds a BS degree from a university, and then attended law school. If that isn’t over-educated, than who is? I think he is the over educated one. Perhaps he regrets law school, but given what it’s done for his career, I doubt it.
Or perhaps, women are over educated, because like me, our education enables us to have successful careers that lead us to fincial independence. Perhaps that is what he means. Maybe the right amount of education, is if we need to rely on a man, like him. The right amount of education, is I guess, is less than him?
I guess the scariest thing here, is an educated woman, who doesn’t need man, who can’t be forced into a marriage through pregnancy, lack of education, who isn’t lonely, has a cat, and a dating profile.
So in conclusion, these things Male-Politician Dude is so concerned about, are really issues effecting men. Be it that women are becoming “too educated” to need them, to not getting matches on dating apps, having someone make dinner for you, feeling un-loved, lonely, seem like man problems more than woman problems. Trying to scare/shame us for them, isn’t really going to work. Most women in these situations, aren’t afraid of making a good meal, curling up with our cats, and having a relaxing evening alone.
