It’s such an interesting point here.
I agree that there is a fine line between supporting a group and fighting for their rights, and turning them into a mascot to add a feather to our woke hats.
I came to support trans people because there were some special people very close to me who transitioned and I saw what a positive change it brought to them. Since then, I’ve tried to make sense of the life-long gaslighting I was raised with about the false gender binary. It was a mind-fuck to realize that everything I had been taught about gender was wrong. In that I may have gone pretty far to the left, and I wonder if I started seeing trans rights as a cause to the point of objectifying.
But, these were people in my family, people that I loved, and I wanted it to be better for them. Some of them almost died.
You make a good point about empathy.
Empathy does add more humanity, and will help with mascoting/objectifying trans people as a cause rather than as humans.
Years ago, I tried putting myself in the place of my trans (now ex) girlfriend. I pictures what it would be like being born male (I’m a cis woman) and being forced to live as a man. It was quite unfun. I thought about in depth, and talked to her about it for nearly an hour.
Later on she told me that was one of the most empathetic acts she had seen, but I would still never understand what it truly was like for her. Still, she appreciated my attempt, and it was helpful.
Your descriptions of the physical pain were very helpful in describing dysphoria. I’ve heard similar things from other trans people.
One friend of mine told me her back pain went away after transitioning because she had been constantly clinching and tightening her body due to dysphoria. Learning that there are different types of dysphoria, social, physical, voice, etc has also been helpful. It’s hard for me as cis to overcome this false binary I was raised with. But the truth is, my trans friends and family, feel normal, natural, happy and just righter after transition and because of this, I know it’s good. I know it’s good regardless of all the conditioning I’ve had.
My current partner happens to be trans (I did not know that when I met her, it came out eventually though) and she laughingly points out that I care more about trans rights than she does. And that makes me wonder if I’m to far to the left. But I think for me it’s about overcoming and breaking through this culture that taught me wrong things about gender and transition. I hate that I’ve been programmed against trans people, and part of me overcoming that is trying to identify and dismantle the transphobia in my culture. Because if I had bought into it, I would have missed out on some wonderful people in my life. Trans phobia robs not only trans people, but the entire community by oppressing a group of people who have a lot to give.
I guess I’m an ally for my own selfish needs of overcoming transphobia and how it has hurt my life.
Which maybe is okay, as long as I check that I don’t dehumanize trans people into a cause.