Interesting. I can tell you put a lot of thought into a response here.

I agree, actual abuse is actual abuse.
However, if a person becomes abusive, it is that persons fault, and they should take responsibility.
We all need to look out for ourselves, and make the best decisions possible. However, is someone becomes abusive, the fault is the abuser, nor the partner that picked them.

I was in a very happy marriage for about 12 years. It was a great marriage with a wonderful person, and I don’t regret it. After about 12 years of a great relationship, my partner started to crack. His health started to deteriorate. I was very much there for him. I was supportive and took care of him. After his health started to fall apart, slowly, gradually, he started losing his mind and became abusive. I tried to get him the help he needed, I set up appointments, I drove him to doctors, etc. no one considered him sick enough to help, and him becoming violent wasn’t considered sick enough to get him treatment. Instead, people looked down on me because my partner had become abusive, and somehow this was my fault for choosing an abuser.
This wasn’t a mistake of mine, I picked a wonderful partner, and we were happy being together for over a decade. But as he aged he just fell apart, and turned into a mentally ill person who couldn’t comprehend what was happening.
Everyone acted like I had some moral failing for choosing to stay with him. I honestly thought, “in sickness and in health” and thought he needed this time more than ever. But I had no power of the situation, and he was threatening my safety. In the end I had to leave him, and get a divorce. I don’t think what happened is my fault. I didn’t pick an abuser. I picked a good, safe, person, and we weee happy. Thing is, people change, and it’s not my fault what he changed into.
I think people, including men and women, are each responsible for their own actions. Yes, we want to make good choices, but it’s often assumed if a man abuses his wife, it’s her fault for choosing an abuser. It’s not, it’s actually is fault for abusing another person. Often abusers don’t show their true colors until you are trapped with them. Often people change for no reason.
The assumption that some men are just abusers, and women need to steer clear of them, paints being an abuser as something that is just a natural state to some men. I think this is insulting to men. Men are not natural abusers, and I believe assuming they are is misandry. Men are just as capable as women of being loving, caring, kind, and good. I love men.
Furthermore, we never talk about when men are victims of domestic violence. And when it happens, I personally never hear about that being the man’s fault for picking an abusive wife. Instead, it’s usually laughed at as a joke, and it’s implied the man had become emasculated by his abusive wife for letting himself get abused. This also implies that being an abuser is just a masculine trait, and just part of being a man for some people.
It’s not.
Abuse is a form of bullying.
Abuse is about control.

I don’t think abuse is a natural state for some men. It can just happen for no reason. Victims are never to be blamed for the abuse they endured.