I’m so glad you wrote this. As an autistic person who masks a lot, I have to say, there is privilege involved; and in truth that’s why we do it. I have a long term friend who also has autism, but is not able to mask, and her is very different than mine as a result. As a special Ed teacher I know a lot of people physically aren’t able to mask, and yes undisputedly, I have more privilege than them.
I’m a bit frustrated, because in the autistic community, people talk about not having levels and all autism is the same. While I agree that one a autistic person is not “less than” another, it’s the same disease just how it presents and is expressed, but truth is I have a lot more privilege than others. I have met people labeled with the same condition who are not able to speak, who struggle with basic tasks I do daily with little effort, who have more more intense sensory issues than me. I know people with the same autistic diagnosis who are not able to live independently, not able to hold jobs, not able to communicate with others, while I’m able to freely walk around in a career I love, live on my own, and have agency over my own life. Most people don’t even believe I have autism, because I mask so well. Yes, the privilege of passing comes with its own trauma, that is real, but it’s still a huge fucking privilege. I don’t think people in my position should claim to speak for autistics everywhere, and yet they do, without understanding what others have to live with. I have long felt that the whining around masking feels petty, entitled, privileged, and ignorant of what other autistic people have to live with. Or other disabled people in general.


When I was a child, I was dis-fluent due to my autism. I remember being so frustrated, because I had so much to say, but people stopped listening to me because the way I spoke was slightly different. They illogically assumed that because my speech was different, I wasn’t intelligent. It made me so angry, it was awful.
Now I am fluent, people do listen, but I’ve longed felt empathy for others who speak a little to a lot differently. I know a number of people with cerebral palsy, who are clearly very intelligent people with great conversation. I’ve enjoyed talking to them, and found them interesting and enjoyable people. Seriously, all we need to do is listen a whole 30 seconds longer to get their ideas out. It’s okay! I have pretty severe ADHD, and even I can handle waiting the extra time it takes for someone who speaks different to get their words out. But we have this awful ableist society where able people are used to having everything catered to them and are uncomfortable with anything outside the norm. It’s fucking wrong.

My hope here, with people with disabilities who carry a lot of privilege and can mask, is that they make a big enough stink about ableism, that ultimately society listens to them and becomes more inclusive and accepting of differences. I like to think there’s a way I could use my masking privilege to blend into society to own my disability and convince the able world to get over themselves and their ableism. I’m not entirely sure how to do that, I’d love any thoughts. But I do feel owning up and admitting my privilege is essential here.
No, we shouldn’t have to mask, but it feels like we’re complaining about a major privilege that enables us to blend in with society in ways others can’t. Yeah pretty entitled.