I’m polyamorous and in a lesbian relationship. I often wonder if monogamy was made up by men, for men. You’re absolutely right that it’s much easier for women to find dates than men. It can be very hard for a man to meet a lovely women and then get her stay with him and have children. I think that’s why they invented monogamy.
I have met so many men, who seem to think non-monogamy revolves around their dicks, as well as the entire universe. There are some really great guys who aren’t like that, but the toxic ones sure do ruin it for everyone. To be safe, I just don’t date men anymore. I find women more attractive anyway. So many times I’ve seen men get on high horses to their women about opening up a relationship, and then feel some ways when the woman finds a partner. They often make up excuses, I’ve heard of “yes you can date other men, but not him, I don’t like him, only men I chose are allowed.” There is of course the dreaded one penis policy that really immature stupid men want where their wife can date, but only other women, and only women whom he can sleep with since her polyamory is really about fulfilling his sexual fantasies.
Also awful is the man who tries to convince his girlfriend/wife that she’s bicurious and then sends her on a unicorn hunt, to find a bisexual women to be used in 3 ways because he has some fantasy that two women will give him attention at once. Often such couples see bi women as play things there for their sexual pleasure and not actual people. I once got a match on tinder from a woman, who was really a couple, who were on vacation telling me they were “looking for a hot unicorn for the weekend.” They saw me as a potential tourist attraction to have sex with. Such couples would do better just hiring a damn escort.
I honest love polyamory because I feel a lot of compersion. I love it when my girlfriend gets home from her dates and tells me what a fun time she had with another woman. I love hearing about her flirting and feeling special and loved by more people than just me. I want her to feel so much love and feel so desired and adored that she sees herself for the princess she is. I want her to experience more love than any one person can ever give.
If a person wants to open up their marriage, they should really look at why, and think about what will happen when their partner finds other partners and how they will feel. They should come up boundaries, but those rules should go both ways, not just rules for her. If someone, including a man can’t handle that, they need to stay closed. Monogamy was probably made up by men because it benefited them. If they open up, they need to realize the risks.