I really like this story because it’s an honest story about how despite your intentions at the time, you still accidentally fell into the racism that permeates our culture. As a white person, I do my best to fight racism, starting from inside me. In order to do that, I think it’s it vital to recognize we are vulnerable to act and participate in a racist behavior, because we’re raised that way. If we’re going to fight racism, we have to start with ourselves, and the first step is admitting and owning our own racism, instead of being in denial and gaslighting others around it. To me there’s nothing more annoying than a fellow white person who thinks they have solved all of the racism in the world and they are perfect and never participate in racism. They are in denial, and think they’re better than everyone, and all of racisms can be solved if everyone would just be like them. They are not open to self-reflection about their behavior absorbed racism since they believe they have none. No, racism is complex, and comes out in a variety ways we are often ignorant about it. If you’re quick to defend yourself as not being racist, you probably are racist. If you’re willing to listen and reflect when your racism is called out, as you did here, your open to improvement.
As an antiracist white personal, it’s vital I look for and identify times when I do something that may be racist, and grow and reflect from it. I feel like that’s what you’re doing here.