I once had a gay man tell me that it was a part of his ‘sexual orientation’ to only date men with certain skin colors. When I told him it was a preference, not an orientation, he accused me of homophobia. As a gay woman I found this rather ironic. Now I’m not one to shame others for their preferences, but I do feel that internalizing racist, sexist, transphobic and other biases from dominant culture leads to missing out. There are wonderful people, wonderful romantic partners out in the world, and these biases close the doors to potentially wonderful partnerships. I think this story raises the questions of: when am I rejecting someone with a lot of potential because society has brainwashed me into not seeing value in them? And when is it worth it to take a chance and examine my preferences as not truly mine, but instead an idea pushed into me by something else?

Excellent article!