I know a woman who was devote morman, married in the temple and everything. She eventually left the church. She told me there were many reasons why she left, but she said the first one was with her autistic daughter. Her daughter had very noticeable autism and was diagnosed at a young age for women. When the daughter turned 8, it was time for her to get baptized. The autistic daughter was terrified at the thought of being baptized. The mother advocated, explaining she wasn’t ready, she had a disability, all real good reasons to delay baptism. But the church didn’t really understand and kept arguing that 8 was the right age, and didn’t really take the daughter’s needs into consideration. Eventually the mother realized she had to distance herself a little from the church to help her daughter. She did and that was the start of her breaking away from the LDS church.
Religion can be a great thing, and often is. It can give a good structure with good rules on how to live. With autism, I have found what works for others doesn’t always work for me us (I’m on the spectrum too). So there needs to be wiggle room for in such systems at times. Sometimes in religion it’s not there, sometimes it is. Often these religions were founded centuries ago before we knew and understood about autism.
It reminds me of that scandal with Ruby Frank’s and Jodi Hilda-something who were devote mormans and became very stickt with parenting. Ruby was taking advice from Jodi, who was a therapist arguing ADHD didn’t exist and kids just needed more discipline. Eventually their discipline got so out of control, they went to jail for child abuse and neglect. Meanwhile Jodi the ultra disciplinarian family therapist was Mormon and LDS bishops referred families to her for counseling and family therapy. Meanwhile she was recommending discipline that crossed over into child abuse. Many people misinterpret neurodivergence as a lack of discipline, your ex husbands behavior is typical. Sadly people, and many religions don’t understand.
Good for you for sticking up for your children.