I can really relate to this. I would say that I now have a good relationship with my mother, but it required I move far away from her, set boundaries, and interact with her in ways that feel safe to me. I think my mother may be a narcissist. Don’t get me wrong, growing up there were some good times and good things she did, but there was also a lot verbal abuse, manipulation, intense gas lighting, vicarious living through me, taking credit for my accomplishments and general mind fuckery. All the while, she loved to portray herself as the hardworking patient mother and me the ungrateful, incompetent, and rebellious daughter, which is something I have never even been close to. But she knew how to gather her flying monkeys and what to say and do to make everyone sympathetic to her, even if it meant taking away my rights.
Now, I have my own life that I created for me, and I love it. I still talk to and see my Mom, but I do so in my terms. She knows if she pulls out any abuse or manipulation, I don’t have to see her or talk to her. She still tries from time to time, and I simply leave. I love it. She’s generally on good behavior, but still tries to gain the upper hand when she can. Overall though we have a positive relationship these days and I have many more happy memories with her as a free adult, instead of the extension of herself she tried to make me.