I am currently pregnant via sperm donation.
I have found several children books, as recommended by the sperm bank, to explain donations my child growing up.
It's going to be made very clear to my child they have no parental realation ship to her donor. We have a name, "Mr. Donar" who is a nice man who wanted to help families like ours.
When my child turns 18 they will have the opportunity to have one conversation with their donor if they so chose, and after that it's between them to decide. Before they turn 18, there is no way for them to get in contact before then. If something happened to me and my partner, then my family would take care of my child. It's all ready been arranged.
If my child really wanted to find their donor, not through the sperm bank, they could probably get one of those DNA tests, and hope the donor did as well. That could happen. However, my current contract with the bank says I will not attempt to find out the identity of the donor, ever. I will discourage my child from having their DNA analyzed before the are 18, so that we will not be violating the contract. If she wants to meet her donor, she can go through the bank when she is 18, and then get her DNA analyzed after that if she wants to.
Your husband is right, there is a shortage of black donors, actually there is a shortage of donors overall. It's hard to find one who is just healthy. I think it's wonderful when people to help others have babies. I recommend non-profit reproductive clinics, I went to one that was non-profit, there were fewer donors then the big corporations, I knew they were less likely to lie than these big corporations.
I would be up for donating my eggs, but I'm actually to old to do so. The best time is in your 20's, I just turned 40.
To answer the question of if the spouse of donor would be involved, I don't think so. If my child meets her donor one day, I doubt the spouse needs to be there (I don't know if he even has one, yet, he's quite young). I guess if that's a deal breaker for a partner, that they donated sperm/eggs/surrogacy, then that's between them I suppose. If my daughter decides to meet her donor, I can't imagine the donor's partner being involved at all. It's not family reunion, at best it's discussing traits and commonalities. The man gave his helix, not his fatherhood.
