Great article! I am on the spectrum and I strongly suspect my partner is too. One of my favorite things about her is how she communicates. It feels so direct, drama-free, safe, and functional. When I dated a nuerotypical, he expected me to read his mind, make guesses about his feelings, and cater to that. If I didn’t, I was being selfish. If I simply asked him his feelings, I was being so inconsiderate and inattentive by not reading his mind, that I must not actually care about him. If I told him my honest feelings and thoughts about us, then I lacked trust in his ability to read my mind and make guesses and thus I am accusing him of not loving me. If he did something that offended me and I told him carefully, he’d get very defensive and bring up every time I had accidentally offended him. It was crazy. With my current spectrum partner we can just talk about these things productively without fighting.
I think it sounds funny when others hear us talking, we talk about very sensitive things in a logical, calm manner, but man so many fights are avoided.