Great article!

When I was just becoming a teenager, I remember feeling terrible I didn't look like a super model, and wondered if anyone would ever love me. I was afraid that no man would want me. I then decided I must learn to take care of myself, to be independent. I did. I think many women learn this lesson early, that we have to let go of some imaginary game about achieving money, perfect body, perfect this to get a romantic partner. I really embraced the "I don't need a man" narrative. It was so freeing. I ended up on just focusing on the person I wanted to be.

Eventually I realized, that it's better to have partners who don't "need me" but rather want to be with me. I like to be wanted, and I like wanting my partners. I like being with people I want, and I like them being with me because they want me, not because one of us needs the other for survival. This other narrative of having someone take care of me sort of feels like economical black mail. If a man and woman are assigned to be with each other or the movement, or a financial situation, do they really love each other?

The people who date me, are dating me because they chose, and want to be with me, not because they need something rom me. The people I date, I date because I want too.

I deserve and am worthy of being loved. I am with my partners because I love them and want to be with them.

I think growing up for me, hearing the feminist narrative of "not needing a man" helped foster this behavior inside of me. Sadly, I don't think men have had a space where they been told this, and I think it's time they have that. I don't think men's thinking has caught up to this yet. Men are still raised in the old world thinking where somehow they are taught that women are responsible for their needs, specifically sex. They're sort of taught that when they get bigger they will find a woman who will take care of their sexual needs. They then are taught to rely on women for sexual needs, then understandably get angry when they don't find one, and resentful.

I think men would benefit form the idea that they can take care of themselves and don't need women. I mean This idea that they can't and need a woman, is rather infantizing and honestly deafening and disrespectful to men in my opinion. I think men are competent, intelligent, adults who are capable of caring for themselves and being independent.

The thing is, when you then rely on yourself, and don't need a partner, often then partners will come. It feels good to be wanted, and partners are very enjoyable.

Men deserve to be wanted, and frankly, the actually are. So many straight women want a good man, which usually a man who isn't expecting her to be a mother to him.