Can I just say I am so glad you wrote this? I have been waiting for someone to write this, because god knows I don’t think I could have.
As a white lady, I often have conversations with other white people, and sometimes someone will say something freaking racist, and will some how qualify it with “I actually have a black a friend who agrees with me…” Yeah, because now one African American person speaks for an entire community, an entire world population and now they have deemed it all to be just fine. And what is this black friend? Are they your friend or your excuse for not being racist? I’ve also heard “ _insert racists comment here__My black friends actually agree agree with me….” Or, “I have lots of black friends, I’m not racists, extremely racists comment here________”
I mean white people, we do have good intentions at times. We realize we are privileged, and it’s important for us to shut up and listen to black voices. True. But that’s not what “My black friend says…” is about. This is taking our own voices and dehumanizing a black person as our own personal microphone to validate our own emotions around racism rather that confront and reflect racism in our own culture and inside of us. It’s messed up. Also, if we white people happen to have a friend who is black, it’s not that person’s job to educate us, change us, and save us from our own and societies’ racism. It’s our own jobs to look at the racism around us, reflect and examine ourselves and our society, and change our behavior. Listening to black voices is crucial, but that’s different than expecting any black person you know to educate you and save you from falling into the systematic racism around us. It’s a lot of work as a white person to try to not be racists, don’t put it on the shoulders of black people, it’s not their job.
One time, I was reflecting with “my white friend” around my own potential racists tendencies. It’s a scary to thing to type right now, as a white person. But it happens, it’s a racists world I was brought up in, it’s racists now as I live in it, and I do feel it’s my responsibility to accept I can fall into systematic racism and be a part of it just by living and by my own privilege. It’s real. The thing about privilege, is you don’t realize you have it. Her response was “Sarah you can’t be racist, you’re married to a Mexican person.” Really? Because I’m married to someone from a different culture than me, because of who I fell in love with, now my partner magically cured me of all potential racism? Yeah, because that’s all bringing down racism is, just have a friend who is a different color than you. Or better yet, marry one. Problem solved! Now I can’t possibly be racist, all my privileged has been erased, just ask my Mexican husband. He’ll tell you I have a black friend somewhere. No more work for me! I’m off the hook and will never do anything racist again and there is no need for me to grow or change or examine, challenge, or identify my own privilege, racists behaviors, or prejudices.
