Amazing article and points. I have to say, as a woman in my late thirties, I feel very freed from this as I have stopped dating men and now only engage in lesbian relationships. Yes it comes with my privilege of being attracted to women and men, but damn I’ll take it.

Yes, true, women still have preferences and rate each other. But I have never assumed someone is worth less because I am not attracted to them, or if other women find them attractive. Furthermore, I have found that qualities about myself that were shamed for not being considered desirable by males, are non-issues in my lesbian relationships. Even more awesome, I have realized that a lot of “preferences” I assumed I had were actually patriarchal, misogynistic, programming to get me to invest in beauty products, diet culture, fueled by shame and the idea that I am less of a person because of what men deem attractive. The whole thing has lead me to realize what I truly want in a partner, what I’ve alway wanted is widely different that what I’ve been told I wanted. My ex husband was very short, shorter than me, he was also fat, bald made way less money than me and I loved him with all my heart though many people wondered I was with him as I was thought to be more attractive and younger than him. But as you spoke of, I had that connection with him, that was Love to me. My first girlfriend was a beautiful, tall woman 8 years younger than me, and I felt connected to her also. My most recent girlfriend, mentioned how she’s “suppose to want a butch” to make her feel more femm, but she feels so happy with me, she’s let that idea go. I hear my straight friends make remarks about women I’m interested in like “but she’s so thin, will she go for you? Look how hot her current girlfriend is, do you think she is into you?” Or my favorite “she passes as straight, so probably wants a straight looking girl too” all of these women I met were queer, and expressed interest in me.

I’ve learned dating women that fat is soft, warm and sexy in bed, extremely (6ft +) tall women are elegant and lovely with their long legs, dating trans women is no different than dating cis, and I like so many types of women. Men being impressed with my body doesn’t matter to me at all, and neither does this system they have, and my partners feel the same way. I’m not here to shame people with for their preferences, they can have their standard, idealized apples while I have my sweet mangos. More for me anyway.

I am so lucky to be a woman, all I have to do is buy sperm, I don’t need a man’s approval to make my own family. Yes, it would be tough on my own. But I feel so free and happy knowing I don’t need a mans approval to have a happy family or partners who love me. Hell I don’t even need children to have that. We know how to make/gather our own loving families, and I will never accept the notion that this point system can stop me from that.

Thanks for listening. It’s a great piece you wrote, and it calls out so much. I’m glad you wrote it.